This go around it is mom at the keyboard. Tell you what, been crazy trying to get anytime to post on here. I keep thinking only a few hours have gone by but then I realize Zoë is damn near six weeks old. But, such is life I guess. Right now, although Zoë is awake, she isn't screaming for my undivided attention, so I have a few moments to make my first post, finally! And I am going to try to throw as much of my perspective in as possible of the course of events over the last few weeks.

I guess it started really on Saturday night, March 28th. We ate dinner about 7 pm and by 10 I was feeling horrible. It felt like moderate food poisoning, so all I did when I went to bed was moan and groan about how dinner had not set well at all. At this point, I was dilated to 3 cm, had been for at least a week now. My doctor had thrown me on bed rest a few days prior and told me to take it easy. He also said he would take Zoë soon, so basically, Ian and I were in a way, prepared for the arrival of our daughter.

Around one am on Sunday, I woke to go to the bathroom and noticed I felt much worse, but still thought I was experiencing an upset stomach. That is when I noticed I was spotting. Since my doctor had told me it was normal to spot once dilation started, I thought nothing of it. But I did notice that I was going back and forth to the bathroom a lot. Every 5 to 10 minutes, I had to go to the bathroom. That is a lot, even for a pregnant woman. I also noticed that the bleeding was getting much heavier. Around 2:30 I decided to jump on line to do a quick search on preterm labor, by this time, I knew something was up, I should not be bleeding as heavily as I was. Confirmed that I needed to go to the hospital, I walked back to the room to notify Ian we needed to go to the hospital, right when the rain kicked in full force. It truly was a dark, cold, rainy night. So much for old clichés and trying not to use them.

Funny thing is, right when the rain kicked it up a notch, Ian apparently had the thought run through his head that I had been gone from the room for a bit and just knew the next time he saw me, we would be heading out the door. When I came into the room, he asked if I was okay and when I said hospital, the gimpy man with a bad back moved at lightening speed. The commotion woke my mom (whom we had decided to not tell until we knew whether or not the hospital would keep me) and she insisted on coming along. Good thing too. When we got to the hospital, we found I was 3 cm and 90% and that my water had broke. The lab says that was not the case and the midwife wanted them to give me a shot to delay labor, but I was GUSHING as this point...even a dullard would say the water had broke. We REFUSED treatment of the shot and demanded the nurses to call my doctor and not the midwife. Good thing too, my doctor wanted me to deliver.

I don't really recall much of the 12 hours I was in labor. I remember screaming at my mom to stop it because she kept hovering, petting, and asking questions. Where as I wanted someone to touch me, I didn't want my concentration broke, which was mostly what she was doing. I remember yelling at Stacy for the same thing and remember telling Ian to keep the damn rag off my head. I also remember screaming at the nurse to "Stop fucking touching me!" And I wanted to know where the heck Earl was. That one still blows my mind...Ian had told me when I had first asked that Earl wasn't coming and I said okay, then several hours later, I was screaming for Ian's brother-in-law during a contraction...no clue why. Just one of those things I guess.

I know I kept screaming for my epidural and I know the epidural eventually wore off (I could move my legs.) I know Zoë wasn't moving even though I kept asking for her status and I kept getting told she was moving a bit more. But, eventually, the doctor came in and told me a C-Section may be the way to go. At that point, I agreed. I tried. Lord did I try. I remember crying that I can't do it, that I needed help and then later got upset that I couldn't do it, but no one can say I didn't try. I tried for three hours straight. Zoë was straight up stuck.

The C-Section was a trip and an half. I felt absolutely every little cut they made, but the thing is, it didn't hurt. Then I never really acknowledged I had just had a baby. I was so doped up on drugs and meds I was oblivious to anything had happened until later. But, I now had our little baby girl. We go discharged and a few days later we ended up back in the hospital because Zoë had jaundice. That was so heart wrenching seeing the big IV in her little arm. And we couldn't hold her. And I HATED that experience. At least it was short lived and only lasted a night.

We got the juandice cleared up, but lo and behold, Zoë ended up with a second bout of it, this time because of me. She ended up with breastmilk jaundice so we had to put her on formula for a week. BUT, it really IS cleared up now. Thank god. And I have given over 250 ounces of breast milk away and probably still have 400 ounces in the freezer...we NEED a bigger freezer, I have NO where to put food!!!!

A few weeks ago I locked Zoë in the car. THAT was devistating. I was at Applebee's with a friend and when I went to leave, I opened the back door and threw all my things up in the front. Usually I open the front door as weel, but for what ever reason I did not do that this go around. I got Zoë situated and closed the door and turned to open the front door and found out that ALL my doors were locked. My automatic locks had gotten triggered when I threw my keys in the front. Huzzah for Gwinnett County Fire Department who can break into my car in less than 5 seconds!

We also hit milestone number one, as Ian mentioned in a previous post. Nothing amazing in the grand scheme of things, but absolutely amazing when considering Zoë now realizes things exist. :) Smile should be next. I can't wait for that.

We are still working on Zoë to latch on since she was preemie and had nipple confusion in the begining because of all the times we had to give her formula, but now we have discovered my over productive glands are causing her reflux issues and gas, so I am now working on trying to rectify that. Oui...SO much to do! The house is never clean and I never can find time to clean it. I am lucky to find time for a shower and to wash clothes. But it has all been worth it. I will be so relived yet heartbroken come June 3rd when I return to work.

And on another note: we DID find a place over this past weekend. Nice sized three bedroom apartment in G'Ville. I hate G'ville, but at least it is a mid point between E's and my work. And at least it will only be for 1-2 years. And now..maybe a quick shower while Zoë is content at churping still.